How to Bring up Concerns Without Being Controlling

Supporting a loved one through mental health challenges requires sensitivity. When someone is navigating conditions such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder, a supportive relationship respects their independence while providing necessary care. Here are four ways you can bring up concerns without being controlling while ensuring your loved one feels comfortable leading their mental health treatment.

1) Observing Changes in Symptoms

Discussing your loved one’s mental health symptoms, particularly when they affect their relationships and well-being, requires a delicate approach. While the urge to offer immediate solutions or schedule help might be strong, beginning with a calm and non-confrontational conversation is vital for their sense of control.

A gentle opening, such as, “Lately, I’ve noticed you seem less connected and more withdrawn when talking with family and friends lately. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?” allows your loved one to steer the conversation, fostering trust and demonstrating your care and respect for their boundaries.

2) Addressing Medication Adherence

Taking medications correctly and consistently is a cornerstone of many mental health treatment plans. If you’re concerned that your loved one is not adhering to their prescription, a caring, non‑judgmental conversation should be your initial step.

Avoid criticism or intervention-style discussions. Instead, try a simple, open question like, “I’ve noticed you haven’t gotten your refill. Are you having any issues with the medication, or is something else going on?” This approach focuses on understanding their reasons without assigning blame.

When your loved one shares, actively reflect back their concerns in your own words before offering solutions. This validates their feelings and ensures clear communication.

3) Encouraging Engagement in Their Treatment

It’s natural as a caregiver to want your loved one to stay motivated and committed to their mental health treatment, especially when it comes to healthy habits and coping strategies.

If you’re concerned that your loved one is no longer putting effort toward their treatment — especially healthy lifestyle changes and coping mechanisms — it’s important to address this with sensitivity. For example, “I remember Dr. Smith mentioned some ways to cope with anxiety. Have you found yourself using those recently?”

Often, a gentle reminder can be enough to encourage re-engagement. Keep the conversation casual and supportive, focusing on their thoughts about the treatment and its perceived effectiveness.

4) Expressing Concerns about Potential Self-harm

If you’re concerned about your loved one’s safety and fear they may be considering self-harm or suicide, initiating a calm and open conversation about their feelings is the most important first step. Be direct in your questioning: “Are you thinking about dying or killing yourself?” While this directness might feel uncomfortable, research shows that asking clearly about suicide does not increase the risk and can help people feel safer sharing their struggles.

Listen intently and without judgment. If they express thoughts of self-harm or a wish to die, stay with them and help them contact their mental health provider, call a crisis hotline like 988, or go to the emergency room immediately. Remember that professional support is crucial during a crisis; your role is to be supportive while ensuring they get the expert care they need.

Regular, empathetic check-ins can build trust and ensure your loved one feels supported and comfortable sharing their thoughts and emotions without feeling pressured or controlled.

Your ongoing communication should aim to support their journey to wellness while respecting their autonomy in decisions regarding their mental health care.

How to Bring up Concerns without Being Controlling

It may feel challenging to raise mental health concerns with your loved one. By starting gentle conversations when symptoms change, assisting with medication adherence, encouraging active participation in treatment, and always being mindful of self-harm, you can support your loved one while always remaining respectful and empathetic.

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Author

Raj Sastry is a graduate student at Harvard University passionate about mental health advocacy and the history of medicine.

Copy Editor

Johnny Kenton, PhD, is a biomedical neuroscientist and volunteer editor for Families for Depression Awareness. With a passion for clear, impactful writing, he founded Symbiotic Editing in 2024, specializing in academic editing. When he’s not refining manuscripts, Johnny enjoys exercising and spending time with his wife, their one-year-old son, and their dogs.