Helping Your Teen Build a Positive Social Media Experience

Ask any parent of a teenager about their biggest parenting challenges, and social media will likely make the list. From unrealistic standards and social comparisons to cyberbullying and compulsive use, social media can negatively impact teens’ mental health. A recent U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory warns that teens who use social media more than 3 hours a day have double the risk of poor mental health outcomes, including anxiety and depression. 

But social media isn’t all bad. When used thoughtfully and in moderation, it can help teens connect with peers who share their interests or a common identity. This is particularly true for teens from marginalized groups, such as LGBTQ+ individuals. Social media can also serve as a forum for self-expression and help to promote help-seeking behavior.

How can you help your teen create a more positive social media experience? 

The American Psychological Association (APA) recommends a combination of open discussion and limits on use. Here are some other tips to help you curate your teen’s social media for better well-being:

1. Create a family media plan

A family media plan helps family members ensure that their social media usage aligns with their values, priorities, and goals. It involves establishing agreed-upon expectations and boundaries around screen time, appropriate content, and general consumption. You can also involve your teen in creating the plan so they feel heard and respected. That way, it becomes a shared agreement – not just a set of rules. The American Academy of Pediatrics offers a customizable media plan here. 

2. Establish tech-free zones

Designate specific areas, such as the dining room, where screens are not allowed. Use these zones to balance online interaction with face-to-face connection. Agree on certain times of day when everyone takes a break from screens– like during meals, while doing homework, or before bed.

3. Explain how social media works

Discuss with your teen the mechanics behind social media, including algorithms and features that are designed to keep them “hooked.” Explain how platforms use personal data to curate content, often showing them only one point of view, which can distort how they see the world. Encourage teens to be critical of online content and remember that many posts show idealized versions of life.

4. Help your teen prioritize “IRL (In Real Life)” experiences

Talk with your teen about the benefits of real-life interactions and help them identify forums where they value these experiences– for example, sports, clubs, volunteer opportunities, or hanging out with friends. Plan screen-free family activities that your teen might enjoy, such as hiking, visiting museums, or game nights. Your teen might resist  at first, but they may come to enjoy the break from screens. 

5. Turn off notifications for social media and use tools like do-not-disturb, mute, and unfollow

Turning off notifications for apps like Instagram and TikTok can dramatically reduce the siren call of social media. By silencing alerts, teens can focus on whatever they are doing in the moment without the pressure of immediately responding to online updates. Do-not-disturb settings (found on most phones) can also help teens stay focused when they still need to use their phone for other things. Finally, help your teen mute or unfollow accounts that promote negativity or unrealistic comparisons. Encourage your teen to follow positive and uplifting accounts, like our teen-run Instagram account.

6. Monitor usage for younger teens

Although most social media platforms require users to be 13 or older, 40 percent of children aged 8-12 regularly use social media. The APA recommends adult oversight of social media usage by tweens and younger teens. Start by discussing what platforms your child uses, how often they check them, and the types of interactions they have online. Reinforce the importance of privacy and safety, helping them to identify red flags and encouraging them to come to you if something makes them uncomfortable. Use parental controls to limit access, and consider making a rule that activity takes place in shared spaces rather than in isolation to encourage safer habits. Check in regularly about your child’s experiences to keep an open dialogue.

 7. Keep communication open

Keep the conversation going. Ask your teen how social media makes them feel, what they like about it, and what bothers them. Encourage them to pay attention to how they feel before, during, and after going on their accounts. Help them differentiate between content that brings them joy, inspiration, and connection and content that breeds shame, anxiety, and detachment.  Work together to create healthy habits. Ask what role they want social media to play in their lives, and help them engage mindfully instead of mindlessly.

Whether we like it or not, social media is part of teen life today. You don’t need to have all the answers – just being a supportive and curious presence in your teen’s life can make a big difference. By following these guidelines, you can help your teen curate their social media for better well-being. Having regular and open discussions about your child’s use will also help you identify any warning signs of overuse or addiction. If you think your teen might have a problem that goes beyond the scope of this article, consult a mental health provider who specializes in technology overuse and addiction.

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Author

Lindsay Schwartz is a psychotherapist in private practice in Acton, MA, where she specializes in the treatment of depressive and anxiety disorders. She has a background in school counseling and a special interest in mindfulness-based treatments. Lindsay earned her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and English from Williams College, and her Master’s degree in Social Work from Simmons College. In her free time, Lindsay enjoys writing, reading, running, and spending time with her husband and 2 children.

Copy Editor

Nicole Tirone is a social worker turned adult learning expert with a passion for digital accessibility and plain language. She volunteers as an editor to help FFDA equip people with tools to support their loved ones. In her free time, Nicole enjoys podcasts, reading, painting, volunteering, and photography.