Rose Styron

You developed a mantra, 'stop, look, listen, hang on', how does this help?
I have a tendency to run when I should be walking and walk when I should be sitting. So for me 'stop' means to stop what I'm doing and focus on Bill and 'look and listen' to Bill. Does he look different? Has his speech slowed or become higher or lower? Has his face become slightly mask-like? These are signs for me. I look to see if he moves differently, if his pattern of activity changes, if his pleasures diminish or something odd becomes heightened. And when I see these signs, I say to myself, 'hang on', let's see what's going to happen next. I don't leave or go to sleep. I hang around. It is important to me, both to track it and make sure it is different tomorrow.

What advice do you have for families?
It is important to observe your spouse or son, daughter, mother, whoever it is, for a long period and try to remember how they were a year, ten, or twenty years before and how they have changed. I recommend keeping a diary, because everybody forgets. It's a diary of adversity and change. You can look back on it and realize that this situation can get better.

You also have to make sure the depressed person really knows that you're on his side. You need to show that you understand what's going on, and that you're not coming at this from some scientific or social perspective. You also have to say what you really believe, even if the person gets even angrier with you, or depressed in the moment. I would advise not to take personally any slights, snapping, or change of plans. The person is so inside his own head and his reaction may not be objective.