Nell Casey
What effect did your sister's depression have on you personally?
Because I didn't understand how to ration my energy, I ended up with some
emotional and physical complications afterward. I had terrible anxiety even
when she was doing much better. My anxiety was feverish and high about everything.
I had a huge amount of hypochondria. I lost a lot of weight. I thought I was
dying because I couldn't gain weight. I remember saying to people 'I
think I might be dying' and I was clearly thinking irrationally. I had
horrible headaches for months. I threw myself into care giving so wholeheartedly.
It took a long time to downshift. I was still revved and people would say
'But Maud's better, she seems so well.' My mother had a more realistic
expectation, having gone through it the first time.
Also, Maud's depression didn't seem that far away from where I might
go. At times Maud had me convinced that we were all suffering from mood disorders.
Even in her delusions, the leap from me to her didn't seem that far. I
didn't worry that I would suddenly develop manic depression, but I did
worry about my mental health because my anxiety was so high. In trying to
imagine what she was going through, it became too easy to feel my mind not
being able to hold on.
What motivated you to create your
book, Unholy Ghost?
Initially it was from the personal experience of dealing with Maud's illness.
The book was a home for us to express and write about Maud's experience.
Then, the book grew to include many other writers' experiences with depression.
I find the questions surrounding depression and mania so relevant and powerful.
The vulnerability, loneliness, isolation, and worry are issues that everyone
can understand.
