Nell Casey
What were your sister's mania symptoms?
She had delusions, was paranoid, and didn't trust others. She had interesting
theories that ranged from government conspiracies to religious revelations.
Her delusions were so active, creative, and oddly fascinating, but heartbreaking.
Her energy was so high and agitated. I wasn't allowed to spend the night
in the hospital so I had to leave her there in this horrible state. It was
awful.
Which symptoms were most upsetting?
The depression was scarier than the mania, because Maud was so absent. It
was as if she had exited her body. During her mania, she was outgoing in a
way. But, during the depression we feared that we would not get her back.
I had long conversations with her on the phone where she was crippled with
doubt, pain, insecurity, and sadness. I wondered if she was going to hurt
herself. I experienced this ambiguous loss of not knowing if she was going
to get better and if the medication was going to work.
What was your experience with the
hospital?
The doctors were trying to figure out how to ground her so the mania would
not keep galloping ahead. But the people at the desk and nurses seemed bored
and because of that they were provocative and tried to pick fights when we
were at our lowest point. They had Maud in restraints, even though she wasn't
wild, hitting, or screaming. When the staff called me, they wouldn't give
information out even though she was an hour and a half away. I remember getting
a call in which someone said 'you have to come, something is terribly
wrong with your sister. Oh wait, I have to go there's a suicide call.'
Then, the person hung up on me. I called back and someone said that it might
have been about my sister, then hung up again. As it turned out, it wasn't
Maud, but I had to race over there. I never knew what the staff was talking
about. The hospital was completely disorganized and it was terrifying because
of it. I was far away and trying to hold down a job.
