Bill
What were the worst points for you?
After the hospital, for at least four years, she was depressed most of the
time. It was rough. We could be invited to someone's house and I'd
say yes and then the time would come and I'd have to call and say we couldn't
come. It was a mess. It was unpredictable and worrisome. Our relationship
fell apart. I couldn't help but feel like there was something wrong with
me that was making her depressed.
When she was depressed, she didn't have any love to give. She was very
good with Katherine, but I knew she was acting. Then her reserve of energy
was gone. So, we definitely drifted apart. The marriage suffered. Five or
six years ago, I would have told you that there was no doubt that the marriage
was not going to survive.
I would hold Missy's hand and give a hug, but I didn't get much emotion
back. I started to feel I was useless and not able to help at all. I focused
more on helping Katherine. I did feel angry at times because it was robbing
me of my life, my right to enjoy myself.
What helped you?
A couple of things happened. Missy started getting better. Also, I was inept
at talking about my feelings. We went to a couple's therapist and I learned
to show more emotion and talk about my feelings. That brought us closer together.
It's nice now; we're so much better.
What advice do you have?
Don't feel that you're part of the problem. Always remember that this
is a biological condition, it's not because you're a bad spouse. Be
supportive and loving and know that medication can make a huge difference.
In a chronic situation, you should definitely see a specialist, a psychiatrist,
not just a primary care physician. Primary care doctors are overwhelmed with
new drugs coming out and there's no way that they can keep up with them
all. Counseling is definitely helpful. Have hope. There is help out there.
It is probably going to be a manageable situation.
