Missy, Bill, and Katherine
Missy
What are your
symptoms?
When I am not doing well, I feel irritable, overeat, lack
concentration, and have a sense of hopelessness and anxiety. When
I'm depressed, I feel tired and at my worst, I can't get out of
bed. In a manic state, I have racing thoughts and I am delusional and
paranoid.
Were you resistant to
taking medication?
From the time I was ten years old, until I had Katherine, the
therapists I saw recommended that I take medication, but I always
resisted. I felt like I would be giving in, I didn't need
medication, and I could do it on my own. I always thought things were
bad, but I'd be ok. I thought I'd get over it. Now I realize
that this is a chronic biological condition that I have to manage and
requires medication.
What are the greatest
challenges?
If I have a day where I'm not feeling great, I never know if
it's the beginning of a slide. It's hard to gauge what is a
normal fluctuation in mood. I get scared that I'm going to tank.
Bill is great about reminding me that it's just a bad day. No
matter how many times I go into a depression, there is an element of
disordered thinking. I think, this time it's not going to end. I
have this image of being alone in a forest, but I try to keep in mind
that there are friends waiting for me at the edge. Eventually I'll
find my way out again.
What is helpful for Bill to
do?
He just needs to be there for me. I know he finds this hard to
believe, because he doesn't think it helps, but it does.
What treatment issues have
come up?
I struggle with the side effects of the mood stabilizer. It causes
weight gain. It's frustrating because sometimes I wonder if not
being able to control my weight is outweighing the benefit I receive
from the medication
How do you motivate
yourself?
I make a lot of lists. I know that if I have a schedule or routine of
things to do, it helps me, even if it is really minimal.
Why do you speak out about your
condition?
I never used to talk about it. When I went into the hospital, I had an
amazing transformative experience. A woman came in who had attempted
suicide. She didn't even have a room. She was on an IV, curled up
in a fetal position. She was on suicide watch around the clock.
Gradually, she started to get better. The first day that she was able
to come to group therapy she sat right next to me. For some reason that
day I opened up and started sobbing. The next thing I knew, I felt this
hand on mine. This woman who had been so consumed in her own grief, was
reaching out to me. Afterwards, I felt that if there is anything that I
can do to help somebody understand, or get help, or change their mind
about doing something rash, then I'm more than happy to help.
What are the
greatest misconceptions people have?
People have a hard time understanding the difference between having a
bad day or the blues that everyone goes through versus clinical
depression. People say things well meaning, like 'I don't need
a doctor, I have a best friend.' Or 'I just go out and have an
ice cream.'
Missy, Bill, and Katherine | Missy's story | Bill's story
