Dennis
How did you discover that you have
bipolar disorder?
I was 23 years old and was in the Peace Corps in Malaysia. For about three
months, I had a lot more energy than usual. I wasn't sleeping much. I
felt very creative, and started writing a play. I felt fine. I could have
continued that way or returned to normal, but suddenly in the snap of a finger,
I became absolutely psychotic. I was sitting with friends and I asked them
to stay with me. I thought that I was having a religious experience. I felt
that I had learned all the secrets of the world, and yet I couldn't quite
articulate them. Then I became irritated with people because they couldn't
see what I knew.
I stopped sleeping, left my apartment, and started wandering. I met wonderful
people, like a cab driver who drove me for free. I met people and thought
that we were immediately bonding. I thought that I was preaching to them and
that we were all getting along.
Finally, I went to the Peace Corps office because I wanted to tell them how
wonderful I felt. Immediately, they took me to a hospital. But even then I
didn't think I was ill. I thought the doctors were going to study me because
I was so unique and that I had a lot to teach them. Even though we didn't
speak the same language, I tried to teach them.
I was transferred to a hospital in Washington D.C. After three months, I
started coming down and I thought I had the flu. At that point the doctor
said I was better and could go home. It was 1970. I asked the doctor what
I had and he said 'I don't want to label you.' I responded that
I'd like a label. I didn't understand what was happening.
After I was released, I felt very depressed and had suicidal thoughts. I
didn't want to talk to my friends even though I had just come home. It
was apparent to everyone that I had changed. I still didn't know what
was wrong with me. Finally after some months, I told the doctor what was happening
and he told me I was depressed and was manic-depressive. This was seven or
eight months after the initial psychosis. I went back into the hospital and
was put on antidepressants. A month later I was out of the hospital and back
to my old self again.
