Joan
How does Dennis help you?
Dennis is great because he is a no-pressure person. Other people worry about
me and I feel it is my job to stop their worrying. If I sleep for a weekend,
Dennis is concerned, but he has been through it and a lot worse.
When I start to feel better, I want to make extensive plans and changes.
Dennis is good about lowering my expectations. A lot of my ideas involve risks,
like moving or quitting my job. Dennis prevents me from going too far in case
I get sick again.
Why does your relationship
work?
My relationship with Dennis is the best one I've ever had because he understands
my depression. I have never experienced mania and have no idea what it's
like, but there are similarities between our mood disorders.
Dennis and I have the same political leanings and upbringing. We both come
from Irish Catholic families with grandparents from Ireland. We think very
much alike.
What about children?
We've decided not to have children. Dennis and I are very concerned that
genetically, our child would have a high chance of having a mood disorder.
We also worry about whether or not we could handle taking care of a child.
How have your parents reacted?
My parents love Dennis. They saw an improvement in me after I stopped living
alone and started living with Dennis. My parents do wonder if we are going
to have children. They have almost forgotten that we have depression and treat
us like a normal couple.
What misconceptions do
people have about your condition?
People don't realize that there are so many people among them with depression.
When Dennis mentions that he is a support group leader, people usually tell
us that they have a family member with depression. Depression is very prevalent,
but you can't see it.
What is your advice to others?
Hang in there and keep trying. There are many antidepressants and new ones
are constantly coming out, so don't give up. Be very kind to others in
your relationships. We have a lot of friends with depression from our support
group and the truth is that you can never count on them. Sometimes it is just
the hardest thing in the world for depressed people to get out of bed and
get dressed. You need to be very forgiving. Accept people for who they are
instead of waiting for them to get better in order to love them.
