Joan
How were you diagnosed with depression?
I was depressed in college, but I never sought treatment until I was 25 years
old and working as a research assistant. We had weekly staff meetings where
we went around the room and reported on our activities. I became so nervous
when it was my turn to speak. My heart would beat so fast that I felt like
people could see it. I felt so ridiculous that I couldn't talk to my coworkers.
My social anxiety grew and I just couldn't stand to be around people.
I felt anxious, guilty, and worthless. I slept all the time. I was very tired.
I had no appetite for anything and no interest in life. I just felt numb.
I became overwhelmed and thought of ways out.
I complained to my general practitioner about my symptoms and she suggested
that I see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said I was definitely depressed
and put me on an antidepressant. I was lucky, I got treatment right away and
the antidepressant initially worked quickly.
I've been on various antidepressants since then and was hospitalized
once. I definitely need medications and probably will have to take them the
rest of my life. The problem is that I need higher and higher doses. It is
hard to find something that works for a long period of time.
How did you feel about your diagnosis?
I was very relieved. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I thought my
symptoms were unique to me and that I was very unusual. I was hopeful after
learning that depression is a medical condition and there are treatments for
it.
How do you feel now?
I feel a lot better, but now I can see how far behind I am. I lost a lot of
time just being depressed. I am behind in my career. I don't have kids,
I don't own a house, and I don't have savings. I feel like an adolescent
in my social development.
