Gene
What treatment have you received?
At first the psychiatrist and I talked about my relationship with my
mother, my father, my family, relatives, etc. We went through the whole
gamut. He diagnosed me with dysthymia, a mild underlying chronic
depression. He tried many different medications over time. At first I
was waiting for this miracle cure to happen and it didn't. But, the
medication has changed my negative perceptions.
What are your
symptoms?
I go through dark cycles, three to four days where I feel tired,
sluggish and down, even on the medication. When I get down nothing
matters. I am 'anti' everything when I'm down. When I go
into the depths of my depression, there is no creativity and nothing
that motivates me. I feel hopeless when I start something and I
can't finish it. I can't control that part of my depression. I
have to let it ride. If I really run or push too hard, it triggers a
similar response.
I went through psychosomatic periods, where I imagined that I was going
to die. I thought it was the end, I would always think the worse, the
most negative. At times I was obsessive and got on the computer and
traded all these stocks. I've also had suicidal thoughts.
What treatment issues have
you had?
The medications are tricky; right now I'm doing the best that
I've got to work with. I find when I have to change a medication it
takes up to five weeks to take effect. But if the medication
doesn't work, I have to start all over all, so that can be a
three-month period of being depressed.
What stigma issues have come
up?
There are not too many people I discuss my depression with. I've
had people at work say that an issue is my fault because of my
condition and that I should see my doctor. I've had friends be
incredulous when I tell them I have depression. They say there is
nothing wrong with me and they can't believe it. I try not to let
it affect me.
What helps?
Medications work fairly well. I need understanding and reassurance
that my family is there if I need them. The worst thing to do is to
treat me like I'm sick, that only compounds the problem and makes
it worse than I feel already. Support groups are helpful if you get
into a compatible group.
