Bill and Nancy
How does Ally's condition
affect your family?
Ally's condition is physically exhausting for the whole family.
When she has trouble sleeping, is verbally abusive or has multiple
temper tantrums, it takes a toll on everyone. Her brothers still have a
hard time believing that her behavior is out of her control. In
addition, they often resent the large amount of time that we have had
to give her. When Ally is in a severe depressive state, it can really
bring the whole family down. In addition, there are financial costs:
her medications, treatment, driving to Boston, therapy sessions, and
private school. When you're around her and she's negative or
she's screaming and yelling and we can't get her in control, it
can be very frustrating.
This is very hard for Ally. She often feels very alone. She doesn't
think her friends like her or she worries about the future and if
anyone will ever love her. She is engrossed in the social aspect of
fitting in.
However, there are positive things that have happened to our family.
For one, we are better parents. We thought we knew everything about
parenting from our other children, but nothing prepares you to handle
children with such severe issues. We have realistically changed our
hopes and dreams for our children and realize that the most important
goal is to be happy. Our two sensitive and caring sons now have a real
interest in advocating for those with mental illness. We have learned
patience, understanding, perservance, compassion, and hope.
What advice do you have to other
families?
First and foremost, do not blame yourself. This is a biological
disorder and you should not be ashamed of your child's diagnosis.
Second, do not be adverse to medications, when they are indicated.
Remember that your child may not have outward suffering but suffers
greatly within. After all, if your children had diabetes, would you
even have a second thought about giving them insulin?
Therapy along with medications is vital since medications are not a
cure-all. Family counseling is important. Support groups can be helpful
but you need a group with similar circumstances to yours.
Realize that you are not alone. Unfortunately, mental illness still has
a stigma and although difficult, understand that people will not flock
to help you like they would if your child had cancer. Find good friends
and resources in the community and don't be afraid to give yourself
a holiday from your child. Never stop advocating for your child. You
know your child best. Become as educated as you can about the disorder.
Involve your whole family in the care of your child.
What resources have you found
helpful?
Books we have found helpful are: The Bipolar Child,
Straight Talk for Kids on Psychotropic Medications, the Explosive
Child, the Strong Willed Child, and SOS: Help for Parents.
